My hands were shaking as I sat across from Maria at the Italian restaurant. We’d been talking for an hour, and I thought things were going well, but I honestly couldn’t tell if she was into me or just being polite.
She laughed at my terrible joke about the waiter. Did that mean something? She touched my arm when she told a story. Was that friendly or flirty?
I drove home that night completely confused. Did she like me? Should I ask her out again? Was I reading the signals all wrong?
Here’s the thing: I’m terrible at reading social cues. But over the years and many first dates, I’ve learned to recognize the real signs that someone is genuinely interested. Let me share what actually means something.
Why It’s So Hard to Tell
First dates are nerve-wracking for everyone. People act differently when they’re nervous. Some get really talkative. Others get quiet. Some make lots of eye contact; others avoid it because they’re anxious.
I’ve learned that you can’t rely on just one signal. You need to look at the overall pattern of behavior. And most importantly, trust your gut.
The Signs I Learned to Recognize
1. They Actually Listen
This was the biggest indicator I found. On my date with Maria, she remembered small details I’d mentioned earlier. I’d casually said I loved old detective movies, and 30 minutes later, she brought it up again and asked which was my favorite.
When someone likes you, they’re genuinely interested in what you’re saying. They’re not just waiting for their turn to talk or looking around the room while you speak.
What it looks like:
- They ask follow-up questions about things you mentioned
- They remember details from earlier in the conversation
- They put their phone away (this is huge!)
- They lean in when you talk
On bad first dates, I noticed people checked their phones, looked around constantly, or gave one-word answers. When someone’s interested, you have their full attention.
2. The Touching Thing
This was confusing for me at first. Then I realized there’s a difference between friendly touching and interested touching.
Maria touched my arm three times during our first date. Each time, it was when she was laughing or emphasizing a point. It felt natural, not forced.
Signs of interested touching:
- Light touch on the arm or shoulder
- “Accidental” brush of hands
- Touching your hand across the table
- Adjusting your collar or tie playfully
Not interested:
- Keeping physical distance
- Pulling away when you accidentally touch
- Crossed arms (closed-off body language)
Important note: Some people just aren’t touchy, even when interested. Don’t rely only on this sign.
3. Eye Contact That Means Something
I used to think lots of eye contact always meant interest. But I learned there’s eye contact, and then there’s eye contact.
When Maria looked at me, she really looked at me. Not through me, not past me, but at me. And when we made eye contact, she didn’t immediately look away. She’d hold it for a moment longer, smile, then look away.
Interested eye contact:
- Maintains eye contact when talking
- Looks at your face (not over your shoulder)
- The “look, smile, look away” pattern
- Pupils dilate (yes, this is real!)
Not interested:
- Constantly looking at their phone
- Eyes wandering around the room
- Breaking eye contact quickly
- Looking at the exit
4. They Laugh at Your Mediocre Jokes
Look, I’m not that funny. My jokes are dad jokes at best. But Maria laughed at them. Really laughed, not politely chuckled.
When someone likes you, even your bad jokes seem funnier. They’re enjoying your company so much that they find you entertaining.
I had a date once where the woman barely smiled at anything I said. Another time, a woman laughed so hard at my story about my cat that she snorted. Guess which one led to a second date?
5. Time Flies
This is a big one. When Maria and I met for “quick coffee,” we ended up talking for three hours. Neither of us checked the time. We were both shocked when we realized how late it was.
If your date keeps checking their watch or phone, mentions another commitment, or seems eager to wrap up – they’re probably not feeling it.
Signs time is flying:
- They suggest ordering another drink/dessert
- They don’t mention having to leave
- They seem surprised when you check the time
- They suggest extending the date (“Want to walk around?”)
6. They Mirror Your Body Language
I didn’t notice this until my therapist pointed it out, but it’s fascinating. When people like each other, they unconsciously copy each other’s movements.
I’d lean in, Maria would lean in. I’d pick up my drink, she’d pick up hers. This mirroring is a sign of connection and rapport.
7. They Ask Questions About Future You
Maria asked if I’d been to this new restaurant opening next month. She mentioned a movie coming out she wanted to see. These were subtle hints she was thinking about future dates.
Future-oriented questions:
- “Have you tried [new place]?”
- “Do you like [activity we could do together]?”
- “What are you doing next weekend?” (This is about as direct as it gets)
When someone’s not interested, they keep conversation firmly in the present or past.
8. The Smile That Reaches Their Eyes
People can fake a polite smile. It’s harder to fake that genuine smile where your whole face lights up.
With Maria, I noticed her eyes crinkled when she smiled at me. It was real. On dates where things weren’t clicking, smiles were polite but didn’t have that spark.
9. They Share Personal Information
When someone likes you, they open up. They share stories from their life, talk about their family, mention their hopes and dreams.
Maria told me about her difficult divorce and her relationship with her kids. That vulnerability was a sign she was comfortable with me and wanted me to know the real her.
If your date keeps conversation surface-level and doesn’t share anything personal, they might be keeping emotional distance.
10. Nervousness (The Good Kind)
This one surprised me. Maria later told me she was incredibly nervous on our first date. She kept playing with her necklace and talking a bit faster than normal.
I’d missed these signs because I was nervous too! But in hindsight, her nervousness was because she really liked me and wanted to make a good impression.
Signs of good nervousness:
- Fidgeting (playing with jewelry, hair)
- Talking faster or more than usual
- Blushing
- Admitting they’re nervous
11. They Don’t Want It to End
At the end of our date, Maria and I stood outside the restaurant for another 20 minutes just talking. Neither of us wanted to say goodbye.
She mentioned wanting to show me something on her phone. She asked if I was parked far away. She was clearly not ready to end the evening.
Signs they don’t want it to end:
- Lingering after you’ve paid the bill
- Walking slowly to your cars
- Suggesting another activity (“Want to grab ice cream?”)
- Standing around talking instead of leaving
12. Genuine Interest in Your Life
Maria asked about my kids, my work, my hobbies – but not in an interview way. She genuinely wanted to understand my life.
She asked what I was passionate about. What made me happy. What challenges I was facing. These deeper questions showed she was evaluating whether we’d be compatible long-term.
13. They Fix Their Appearance
I noticed Maria checked her reflection in the window once and adjusted her hair. She reapplied lipstick after dinner. These small actions showed she cared about how she looked for me.
I’ve caught myself doing this too on dates that were going well – straightening my collar, running fingers through my hair.
14. The “We” Language
Subtle but significant: Maria started using “we” language. “We should try that restaurant.” “We’d probably like that movie.”
This unconscious shift from “I” to “we” showed she was already imagining us as a unit.
15. They Text You First After the Date
This is the ultimate confirmation. I’d barely gotten home when Maria texted: “I had such a great time tonight. I really enjoyed talking with you.”
When someone likes you, they don’t play games. They reach out. They let you know they had fun. They make it clear they want to see you again.
What I Learned About Reading Signs
The biggest lesson? Trust your gut. When someone’s genuinely interested, you usually feel it. You leave the date feeling energized and happy, not confused and anxious.
Also, look at multiple signs together, not just one. Maria checked almost all these boxes. That’s when you know it’s real interest, not just politeness.
When the Signs Aren’t There
I’ve also been on dates where none of these signs were present. The conversation felt forced. She kept checking her phone. There was no laughter, no touching, no future talk.
Those dates taught me something important: it’s okay when there’s no connection. It doesn’t mean anything’s wrong with you or them. Sometimes chemistry just isn’t there.
My Date with Maria
After our three-hour first date, I knew Maria was interested. She’d shown every sign on this list. I texted her the next day asking for a second date, and she immediately said yes.
We’ve been together for two years now. She still touches my arm when she laughs, still makes eye contact that makes my heart skip, and still makes my terrible jokes seem funnier than they are.
Looking back, all the signs were there. I just needed to learn how to read them.
Trust Yourself
If you’re reading this because you just had a first date and you’re trying to figure out if they liked you, here’s my advice: if you have to ask, the answer is probably unclear.
When someone really likes you, you’ll know. The signs will be obvious. You’ll leave feeling excited, not confused.
And if you’re still not sure? Just ask. After my second date with Maria, I said, “I really like spending time with you. I’d like to keep seeing you if you’re interested.”
Being direct saved me weeks of wondering and worrying. She smiled, touched my arm, and said, “I’d like that too.”
Sometimes the best sign is just having the courage to ask.